The truth about online grooming

The tricks and tactics used by online groomers are nasty, ingenious and devilishly manipulative. In their attempts to make contact with children and win their confidence, the predators mimic the language and attitudes of young people with appalling accuracy.

They pretend to be friends of friends, or offer sympathy when a child admits to being upset or lonely. They flatter and lie, claiming to be the same age and sex as the potential victim or to be fans of the same bands and TV shows. They invent "coincidences" - the same birthday, a brother with the same name, unhappily married parents or similar problems and experiences at home or school. All the time, the strategy is to move the individual away from the group, from a lively chat room into a private IM or email exchange, where the newcomer can gradually isolate the child and try to build some sort of emotional dependency.

The key themes are "Don't tell anyone" and "I want to be your new best friend", but such obvious words and phrases will usually be avoided, as they might be recognised by even unsophisticated keyword matching online protection systems.

Even primary school children are targeted

In some cases, the goal of isolating the victim and building dependency is achieved. Girls of 13 to 15 are the most common targets, and some of them will eventually go to meet the men who have been stalking them. By the time this happens, they mostly already know the man is older and that he has been lying to them, yet still they go. The groomer may have started off claiming to be in his twenties, then added extra years as he went along. Yet, by the time a meeting is arranged, the emotional manipulation is so powerful that the teenage victim is flatly in denial about these obvious lies.

Even younger children are going online these days, and they, too, are being targeted. Nearly half of all boys and girls in the last three years at primary school spend leisure time online, and eight- and nine-year-olds have certainly attracted the groomers' unwelcome attentions.

A recent BBC news story quoted the mother of one nine-year-old, who was shocked to discover a trail of devious, insidious messages going back several months.

"They were telling her she was beautiful, although they didn't have a photo of her," the mother reported. "They said she should come to their house."

Families fight back

In the face of such evil, parents are having to take responsibility for training their children not to give out personal information and teaching them that some people lie online. They must also teach them never, ever, to make the assumption that an online contact can safely become a real-world relationship.

Yet, at the same time, filling them with fear and surrounding them with bans and restrictions is not good for them, either.

Crisp's aim has been to use advanced technology and the insight of experts to create a system that lets young people - and everyone else - use the full scope and resources of the internet safely, enjoyably and productively. We believe the time has come when this is possible, practical and affordable. And it is the worst news for groomers since the growth in internet use first made it possible for them to target our families in our homes and schools.

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